Happier
by Lore1416
Summary: Teyla observes John with Larrin, seemingly happy once again, without realizing that she does not go unnoticed. Just a little imagined JohnxTeyla between scenes.


Just another little behind the scenes situation I wanted to create. Some little miscalculation that could very well of kept these two apart. Please let me know what you think.

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 **Happier**

Sometime had passed since Dr. Heightmeyer's death. Since Teyla had gone to John for consolation. After that alien entity had nearly killed him, and used his face to terrorize the entire city. Thankfully the effects could be forgotten but the entire ordeal had been emotionally draining on everyone. John and Teyla had grown close after that, mending whatever distance they had endured while the nightmares of him had circulated the base. Things had returned to normal… for a time at least.

Since the confession of hers, though, things had changed. John had withdrawn. His manner, although one of habitual concern and care, did not necessarily belong to the same man she'd befriended four years before. He seemed distant and unhappy. He was different… noticeably so until one day Teyla caught a glimpse of the Sheppard she'd once known.

 _You look happier._

Teyla stood inside the safe and secure walls of Atlantis as she watched the two people on the balcony. They were talking, laughing and flirting a little shamelessly but Teyla still smiled because John's smile belonged a completely different man. A Sheppard that had once walked the halls of Atlantis. One with less scars... one with more hopes and dreams. It had been a long time since she'd seen such a smile on his face.

He hadn't been the same since Elizabeth died. Unfortunately, her unplanned pregnancy had only made things worse. Not to mention the fact that she'd been three months gone before saying a word about it. He'd changed then, and continued to do so after as well. She tried to speak to him on multiple occasions but she'd never had much success with it. Despite her efforts, he remained distant and serious.

She had understood why he was the way he was. She'd hurt him. She knew it every time they spoke. That pained look in his eyes as he tried to act the charming fool. She'd failed him as a friend by keeping her pregnancy from him. That secret had only added to the others he'd been blindsided with. His frustration and anger only amplified because of how badly Elizabeth's death had effected him. She and John had been close friends, almost in perfect sync the way they could communicate merely with looks. Loosing her meant he'd lost a big part of himself as well.

So now, that was why seeing him with someone new was a good thing. Teyla persuaded herself not to take it personally, despite the little sting it did cause her. If this woman made him happy. If she even in some small way mended the lovable personality of John Sheppard, any sadness Teyla felt was worth it. It did not matter that she could not help him. All that mattered was he was happy again.

She turned away, giving them privacy, and ran her hands over her little belly.

She'd heard the words from Ronan multiple times. That she would find Kanaan and be happy herself one day soon. Teyla just smiled lightly, hiding the truth from everyone. She never loved Kanaan, not the way she should have. She'd always been happier with John… loved him more… then her childhood friend whom she knew she could make a life with if she tried hard enough. And she would. She would give her son a happy family, even if it wasn't her ideal one.

She rubbed her belly, telling herself that despite everything happening, she _was_ happy. _She would be_. She had a beautiful baby on the way. A boy. A little boy that would be loved and protected by everyone on Atlantis.

She glanced back at John and Larrin standing out on the balcony and forced another smile. She wasn't sure if this woman was the one, but she knew that there was someone out there who deserved John Sheppard. Some woman who was worthy of him. He was an easy man to love, even if he didn't find it easy to return it. One day he would find someone where it would come naturally. Someone he would trust enough with his heart. She just hoped, at least in part, that she would be strong enough to endure it.

Outside on the balcony, between chuckling at something Larrin said, he noticed movement inside. As if someone might of reconsidered coming out to the balcony, where they were. It didn't take him more then a second to recognize the shadow's profile. It was a near impossible one to replicate.

His smile slid effortlessly off his face as he turned back to the ocean vista and glanced down at his hands hanging loosely off the railing. His mood immediately soured. He couldn't help it. He felt guilty. Guilty and ashamed to be standing where he was... with this particular woman.

In the passing of a single second he couldn't help but imagined what a bolder, braver John Sheppard would do. It was a constant daydream these past few years, which he had been surprised to realize had not been swayed by recent events. That Sheppard would abandon all these renegade youthful flirtations and find the woman he loved. He would tell her how he felt. He would tell her that she deserved more then any mortal man could give her. He would tell her that he loved her since the moment they met... and just how happy she made him every single day. That John Sheppard would be the kind of man that wasn't afraid, and unable, to confess such things.

John glanced at Larrin, urged to by the sudden silence, and found her watching him with that accusing smile. _Why couldn't he just abandon the futile longing for Teyla Emmagan and be happy with someone like this?_ Strong, beautiful… even if she was a little annoying… she did have a lot to offer.

It was impossible though. John knew this without even considering it, still he smiled at Larrin in that easy way of his. She started chatting again but he couldn't help but glance back at the door, wishing Teyla was there. She wasn't. She loved Kanaan. Both of them would soon be starting a life together. She was going to have his child. She was _happy_.

Begrudgingly, John accepted his thoughtless actions of the past. He could have been happy once, if he'd been that braver man. Now all he wished was that he could be strong enough to suffer through the happiness of Teyla's future without admitting the defeat of his own derelict future.


End file.
